:
The critics rave
""The Turkish Wizard of Oz'
speaks the universal language of silliness so fluently that subtitles
would only be a serious intrusion in this crazy Oz-by-way-of-Istanbul
adventure. This film takes the cake and the whole bakery, too!!"
Phil Hall
Film Threat
"(In
Turkish E.T., Elliot) limps through the mangled ruin of his house to
find E.T. in a doorway. There’s an awkward silence as the two stare at
each other, which is suddenly and insanely broken when E.T. launches a
blast of smoke from its crotch. I have no idea if this was some sort of
miscue with the fog machine or if E.T. comes from a race of creatures
that has developed fire-extinguishing groins to be used as greeting
devices. Either way, it made me rewind the tape many, many hilarious
times."
The Wave
Our Turkish turkeys are only $19.95 each. Here's some more info about
each DVD:
Turkish Wizard of Oz
Review by Michael Dare: You may think you've seen bad. You may think Plan 9 from Outer Space was as incompetent as it gets. Your horizons are about to be expanded. Ed Wood Jr. is Orson Welles next to whoever made this. . . . And the lack of subtitles will have you wondering for the rest of your life exactly what it was that the Scarecrow was saying when Dorothy was sewing his butt together. My favorite scene? The one where Dorothy throws water on the witch and she doesn't so much melt as use the water to wipe off her make-up. The best thing about The Turkish Wizard of Oz is that it allows you to play a fun trick on your grandparents. Invite them over for dinner, spike their drinks with acid, take them to the living room, tell them you're all going to watch The Wizard of Oz, then put this on and pretend nothing's wrong.
Turkish Exorcist
From Eric Campos in Film Threat: The Top 5 Reasons To Watch "Turkish Exorcist"
5) During the scene when the little girl is going through a series of tests to find out what's wrong with her, she's hooked up to some sort of device that looks like there's two jackhammers slamming her on either side of the head, while her mouth is stuffed with tissue. If that's not funny enough, the face she's making is priceless.
4) During the bouncing bed scene where the mother finds her daughter bouncing around uncontrollably on her bed, it's pretty obvious that there's a bunch of people underneath the bed, pushing with all they got to bounce the little girl around. After screaming for a while, the mother then piles on top of the girl, so that both of them get bounced around for a bit.
3) The green vomit scene has been replaced by a simple mustard spitting. The filmmakers must've said, "Well, we really shouldn't use split pea soup because that would be too much like 'The Exorcist.'"
2) The little girl's satanic voice sounds like a drunken old pirate. More funny than scary.
1) The best shot-to-the-balls scene ever filmed! While being examined at home, the little girl strikes out and punches the doctor square in the nuts. What follows is a hilarious reaction as the doc goes to the floor, screaming in pain. This scene makes the whole thing worthwhile.
Yeah, it's a virtual remake, but obviously this film doesn't even touch the real "Exorcist." The production values aren't there, nor is the blood, sweat and tears that were poured into Friedkin's film that make it such a marvel. "Seytan" is just some goofy shit that's best watched with a bunch of drunken friends.
Turkish Superman
The Turkish Superman is a very low-budget Turk rip-off with similar storyline and same music from the Hollywood Christopher Reeve version. The opening sequence is supposed to be a shot of outer space, but it's really just a bunch of old Christmas ornaments hanging against a black sheet. Then it cuts to a crayon drawing of the Superman emblem surrounded by little stars. On his first flight, Turkish Superman cruises over every piece of stock footage the director could get from the Turkish Tourism Council. But for most of the shots of Superman flying through the air, the filmmakers simply used a Superman doll and shot it from far away. Superman's father (a role played by Marlon Brando in the original) is missing a number of teeth. Superman can see through woman's dresses, which causes him to continually pratfall. In other words this film is not just from Turkey, it is one.
Turkish E.T.
From The Wave review: In Spielberg’s original version, the evil government agents in biohazard suits construct a network of tunnels to capture and study the alien, who eventually escapes from armed guards by making bicycles fly. The dramatic silhouette of the children’s flying bikes against the moon is still today one of the most constantly and unfunny spoofed sequences in movie history. In Spielberg’s second version, this sequence remained the same except the guards are no longer armed and the children’s flying bicycles have been digitally replaced with less offensive flying wheelchairs decorated in gender-neutral unicorn stickers.
In the Turkish version, the alien is attacked by a strike force made up of an angry mob of peasants, soldiers dressed as storm troopers, police and firefighters. The children assault the mob right back with gas grenades and marbles. A few of them put on party hats to enhance their combat abilities. Then they steal a cart from an old man by, and I’m not making this up, patiently waiting for him to die on his feet from old age. I repeat: not making this up. E.T. and the children all climb into the cart and fly to safety. And since the film’s ineptitude is far greater than my linguistic ability, I’m afraid you don’t get an adjective to describe how stupid this cart looks floating across the various scenes of Turkish wasteland. Unfortunately, I also can’t describe the ending because I don’t have enough tears left to live through the despair of these children saying their heartbreaking goodbyes to their slimy turtle monster friend again.
Turkish Star Wars
From a fan: Here's where the movie goes so far beyond Earth adjectives that it kicked the ass off my face. Darth Vader appears on a hill and blasts at Luke with lasers while he jumps from trampoline to trampoline in the center of a field of yellow smoke grenades. For two minutes, there is a cloud of zero visibility while randomly alternating sound clips from Flash Gordon are mixed with random sections of the Indiana Jones song. It's amazing. When the smoke clears he's tearing the giant red monsters in half at the waist, chopping their heads off and kicking his foot through their chests.
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